Bring a Helmet

Caterpillar tracks, Tupperware-grade munitions, thundering tactile feedback. Which toylike kids’ Wii U game would you expect to have an arcade cabinet like this?

Tank!Tank!Tank! is stupid. You drive a tank and blow up massive kaiju and skyscraping robots as they try to stomp all over Tokyo. You have a racing seat with wheel and pedals simulating a puddingish, tractionless drivetrain like a slow Crazy Taxi. With cannon.

The cabinet is even rendered in a sort of gone-off Crazy Taxi yellow-orange, with these bluntly moulded plastic munitions bulging out all over the place. The shallow creases are lined with the kind of grunge collected by climb-on toys in kids' play areas.

Tank!Tank!Tank! is a family game, with four seats for co-op play and face-snapping cameras over the vertically mounted 16:9 panels that tower above you. You have to crane up at the enormous monsters, the in-game perspective exaggerated by the actual perspective of the screens vanishing into the clouds. It’s a family game so those comicbook-calibre shells are labelled “Just For Fun”.

It’s pretty fun, although the recoil mechanism in the seat is so violent they had to add a panic button to kill it. It’s just for fun, but they’re not playing around.