O.N.G.E.K.I.

This Christmas the 6th CD goes on sale!

What are you talking about?

A game I made

With a CD?

It’s a music game – but you control characters running along a track and need to hit the notes as you run over them. Look.

Oh right, so like guitar hero but with little people at the bottom running up the fretboard.

Yeah, and no guitar! Cool, huh?

No guitar?

No, you use a joystick and 6 buttons and two pads that you whack on the side of the cabinet. And you have to beat boss characters in a battle!

How do you fight them?

By playing guitar hero but with a joystick. The bosses might as well not be there! Cool, huh?

And you made a CD?

6 CDs now. And we’ve just finished a 3-month run of live shows at P.A.R.M.S in Akihabara!

Live? Who’s performing exactly?

The little women at the bottom of the screen. Well, real women do the voices, obviously. They get a little photo on the website and everything! We’ve got Chinami Hashimoto from Samurai Flamenco doing one. You know, that Manglobe anime?

Man… globe…?

Oh, and you get cards.

What?

Cards. You get jewels by playing and then you can use the jewels to buy cards and then you can print the cards. It’s a dual-currency setup developed in free-to-play games that manipulates human psychology to obfuscate the real cost of what you’re buying.

So it’s free-to-play?

Lol no.

Just looking at these cards… are they all schoolgirls?

Pretty much. Why?

How come you can see up their skirts?

Can you? Let me see. Oh yeah, I hadn’t noticed that. Weird.

What’s the game called?

WHAT? SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW I’M ROLLING IN MY MONEY. ONGEKI! ONGEKI! ONGEKI! ONGEKI! …